eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
love makes seman taste better
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
