Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
