Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
