If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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