Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
