so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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