i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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