i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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