Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
