To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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