I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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