I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
