You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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