My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
