just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't turn off my feet"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Panties = found
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
