my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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