When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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