I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
