The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
FUCK WHALES
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
