he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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