A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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