she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
