I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everything about him screamed your future.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
