Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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