Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
