Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
