So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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