So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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