dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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