I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
