You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
