i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize