So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Mom said you looked used
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
