Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
