I molested 6 butterflies tonight
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize