No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
