Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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