Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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