i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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