My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize