Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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