I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize