she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
