I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
