Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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