WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
