he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I want her autograph on my taint
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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