Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
