You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
