I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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