if i can run in heels then i can drive
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize