I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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