There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this just has baby written all over it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
