I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I deserve this hangover.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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