The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
