i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize