So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
