Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
