You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
