I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
