Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
