Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
