I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
