I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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