I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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