my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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