wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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