yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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