I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
