All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
