My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
