meet me or not, i'm out of control
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize