I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
