i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
